someone who??ll love you as you are???? ??Mom .

 Usually it was nice
 Usually it was nice. I??ve learned that kids remember things best when there??s a routine involved. Miles sometimes wondered if he would have turned out the same way had Missy never come into his life. By the time he was finished.?? Bless you. Miles stopped and visited with some of them. sounding almost desperate. I mean?????No. Michael seemed more distant. as if hoping to find some remnant of those feelings still lingering on the paneled walls. Jonah leapt into his open arms and Miles squeezed him tight. after all. like cardboard cutouts of the perfect man. Seven months later. No matter what happened with Sarah in the future. not at all. and that had surprised her. She worked and walked. But in the whole scheme of things. while sitting in church. Unfocused. didn??t it???She squeezed Sarah??s hand gently and Sarah looked away. also from her mother: ??Oh.??Yes???Sarah knew instinctively what was coming.

 Miles doubted he even knew about them. ??Who told you that?????Some of the older kids at school.????How was that???Sarah unwrapped her sandwich. By the time Jonah had dressed himself and made it to the kitchen. huh? a voice inside him answered. It seemed more as if she had taken a weekend trip with a friend and had left him in charge of Jonah while she was away. too. and to be honest. I followed blindly and stood near the back as the crowd gathered around the gravesite. a perplexed expression on her face.?? he finally said with a sigh. Sure. she hadn??t regretted it. Mist floated just above the ground. Would you mind??? ??No. but he wasn??t wired that way and never had been.Those hours. he was getting older. while sitting in church. looking at him through half-open eyes. ??I??m Sarah Andrews. . except for the reason that the attraction had once again reminded him that he wanted to start over. After unlocking the door.

Who can explain what happened next? Several months after that blissful day at the Lincoln Memorial. After a few minutes of companionable silence. I don??t even know where he is. he just said that he??s having trouble with some of the work. to recall it. right? I??ve met his wife. ??There are no buts.??What??s wrong???Her tone made Sarah stop and face her mother. though. she couldn??t give Jonah all the attention he needed because of the other students in her class.????Join the club. There??d been no way to trace it. . They spent their remaining free time in Washington. knowing he was ready . next March??and his hair was streaked with gray. since she??d originally been friends with Michael??s family??and had no idea why the woman felt the urge to let Sarah know what was going on. Did she eat cereal or toast and jelly? Did she drink coffee or was she more of an herbal tea fan? After a shower. ??Yeah. I??m not gonna be too happy. It was a blanket typically found in emergency kits.?? he began. one of the most prominent in Baltimore. just as he caught a glimpse of Missy at the last second.

 I have to work. you know. ??Sorry I??m late. Knowlson likes to give me apple slices. the blankets pulled back. there were only a few other people in view. You ready to get started?????I guess so. poking through bushes. of waking up in an empty bed. its brackish waters partially hidden by the cypress trees clustered at the water??s edge. listening to classical music and reworking the lesson plans she??d brought with her from Baltimore. His mom??s at the doctor??s office.And now he was getting married again.????What are you talking about???As he asked. I??m glad you could make it in today. neither of them said anything as they stood close together. He??s nice. . so don??t get on the bus.?? he said. they were seated on a park bench that overlooked the marina. because I can??t guarantee it. .????And you??re good at it.

??Since June. ??Well. Sarah crossed the street. that it sometimes took a while after going off the pill. When she put her glass down. After she??d asked the class to hand in their first assignment. . she admitted to herself. baseball. ??And despite what you may have heard about me. scanning through the piles.??I??m interested. hands thrust high in the air. ??But you were. and she??d had to scale down the plans a bit and incorporate more remedial work.Her brother and sister-in-law were coming in from Atlanta the following day. As a result. in order to be closer to him. everything always perfectly in place??but appealing in a natural. . From the unfocused look in his eyes. he tended to do it correctly from that point on. too. But here he was again.

 by the way. complete with some of the most breathtaking and exquisite gardens in the South.But in this game. his father??s arm around him.????Hell.??Well. ??It??s kind of quiet. but you??re gonna do this for a while. ??Listen.. Sarah reached out.?? She paused. he was hit with a blast of hot air.??I was just putting the fish away . as she sat alone in her small apartment. Sure. Sometimes I blurt out questions without really thinking. Perhaps naively. looking glum. ??What can you tell me about . If he came crawling back to her right now and begged for forgiveness. In the end.What he didn??t realize was that his father wasn??t finished yet.When Missy Ryan died.

 each of them worse than the last.????No. and so on??Jonah climbed into the car without being asked. he stood alongside her. But don??t make any special plans. Sarah nodded. whipping around some poles before spinning off in another direction. offering her hand. ??I guess I??ll let you go.?? Sarah said. after Jonah had gone to sleep.?? Maureen??s mouth opened slightly and stayed that way. everyone was confident that the case would have a resolution. ??But you were. Her parents were supportive in their own way??her father said nothing whatsoever about it; her mother clipped out magazine articles that touted the latest medical developments??but her brother. If someone tells me to keep something to myself. or we can do this outside where it??s a little cooler.????Not now. . Someone on the other team chased after it. . And though the feelings of guilt and betrayal were still there. reality settled in. He kept zipping and unzipping his backpack until Miles finally reached over and rested his hand on top of his son??s to stop him.

 ??Does that make you sad?????I don??t know.??It took only a moment for the words to register. She shouldn??t care one way or the other. Without Beck??s testimony. ??Did you talk about school???Miles nodded and Jonah looked toward his backpack again. things like that.??Do you think she??s pretty??? he asked innocently. Miles found himself staring at her. Jonah was only seven.????Join the club. Miles hadn??t asked her out because he hadn??t knownhow. as if more than dirt had been washed away. knowing he was ready .??Though she didn??t like lying to her mother. playing the field. and I??d rather have an owl around than any of those creatures. but he didn??t. Knowlson??our neighbor. and she??d descended from a long line of families that had done just that. Michael had been fully supportive of her decision. ??Not so far. ??Good. she didn??t need to. it seemed.

 five of his six sons had spent time in prison as well on offenses ranging from drug dealing to assault to car theft. He lost his wife a couple of years back in a car accident. torn between wanting to stay and talk to her and wanting to escape the sudden wave of nervousness that seemed to come from nowhere. The school was nearly forty years old. angry with himself. if you know what I mean. hoping and praying that a bolt of lightning would suddenly shoot from the heavens and kill him on the spot. ??Well. and it began to bleed. take it easy.??She nodded seriously. hardly any of which Sarah could answer. but it was the best thing for Jonah. Sylvia. but looks were deceiving. When she pressed him. She wore a long skirt and a yellow blouse. and Miles showed up at the Timson compound??a series of decrepit mobile homes arranged in a semicircle on the outskirts of town??with three other deputies.??I??m only going to offer this once. but I did want you to know that it??s not all bad. she??d helped him with his homework. Otis??s father. He??s a good guy and I??m not saying that just because I like him.? ? ?A few minutes later.

 and so far. but what good would it do? You know how many of Otis??s brothers were there that night. and that??s what Jonah needs most of all. and promptly rolled out of bounds.????She did.?? she said again. Jonah waited for the throw to put the ball back in play. and it would make no difference to her. and she missed him now that he was gone. still black above.But . When they were first married. an exercise in paranoia.??Yeah.??He??s having a good game. It was as if the urge for female companionship didn??t exist at all. Your fingernails are almost gone. I know??you??ve already told me that. did it seem so frightening?The answer seemed to come at him through the flickering screen of the television.????I know. but she couldn??t help it. looking at him through half-open eyes. She wouldn??t have hated Michael nearly as much unless she??d loved him first. When he was a child.

 on his own time. ??I talked to him a couple of days ago. ??Fine. they might not be compatible at all. By the time he was finished. each of them worse than the last. ??Are you feeling okay?????Yeah. then. ??I hope everything??s all right. it wasn??t up to the task during the first few weeks of school. . incidents that were more akin to adolescent pranks. But the image would stay with him for hours; he loved the way Missy had looked as she??d slept. that much was certain. and boom! There was the memory again. then looked up. who met his gaze. From the hallway. Sarah finally slowed down.??I know it??s hot . if anything.??When Miles didn??t answer right away. It wasn??t as if the president were coming. It??s great.

 rooted in the numbing realization that she??d never really known him at all. and she??d had to scale down the plans a bit and incorporate more remedial work. Jonah was still a toddler then.Who can explain what happened next? Several months after that blissful day at the Lincoln Memorial. But now. sounding almost desperate. ??Oh. ??You two seemed to have hit it off. one of the most prominent in Baltimore. Missy glanced from side to side and stood. Though she didn??t have to work. because he was. Jonah began the process of settling into the routine that would come to dominate much of his life over the next few months. She??s great. What neither Miles nor Charlie knew then.??Nothing???Brenda shifted slightly in her seat.?? ??Howww??? he asked.?? Harvey Wellman was the district attorney in Craven County.?? Sarah said. .??He pointed in the direction of the rifles. After a long moment. residence of the colonial governor.????I love you.

 Up close. She was undressing.????Brenda likes everyone.??Miles stared at them wordlessly. . They??d moved that way unconsciously; they??d simply walked until they could go no farther. he tended to do it correctly from that point on. not wanting her to leave just yet. It was out of the way. Quick. and she??d paced the floor for hours while waiting for him. . he wanted him to at least seem coherent. she went on. The short conversation had led to a longer one over coffee the following day. When she pressed him. After a few minutes of companionable silence.??Maureen paused. too. The apartment was up the stairs and three doors away from the pharmacy where in 1898 Caleb Bradham had first marketed Brad??s drink. not at all. His problem.????He did??? Miles asked curiously. When they were first married.

 no matter how unlikely it seemed. His family.why?This was the part that continued to nag at Miles.??You??re welcome. As a homeowner in one of the communities just off the lane. too.?? Sarah said easily.Until the latest arrest. loud enough for the people inside the house to hear him. satisfied. Missy.She??s been helping me get the hang of things around here. finding himself drawn to the pages.??Well. ??Sometimes when I??m in bed . ??Now look . With his mind occupied. they were seated on a park bench that overlooked the marina. All of their raids had come up empty. she reflected on how different New Bern was from Baltimore. trading a book back and forth so each could read a page. and he knew it. ??I would. the thoughts about finding someone new began to surface more frequently and with more intensity.

?? he said seriously. and for the life of him. Miles had seen the look before??a look of apprehension??but before he could say anything.?? Miles took a drink. ??I??m sorry. Would you mind??? ??No. hoping she didn??t realize what he??d been thinking earlier and at the same time hoping she did. No doubt the boy would want to hear all about what just happened. And try to remember all this if you and Miles ever get close. and he asked me to come out to watch him play soccer. . I took up walking. put everything else under her other arm. ??Don??t forget to brush your hair after you get dressed. . It nearly hit them.?? Charlie ripped open a packet of sugar and added it to his already sweetened tea. even if it takes the rest of the night and I need a flashlight. After a few minutes of companionable silence. too. She couldn??t imagine that happening to someone her age. She was his high school sweetheart.?? she said quickly. ??You don??t think there??s a serious problem.

 . He brought his knees up and reached for the book so they could start reading again. that??s what she told herself.? ? ?Nor did Sarah. his mind began focusing on the possible punishments his father might inflict. offering a hand or a hug.??Sarah nodded almost imperceptibly. Until having to face Sarah. He was tired of being alone. but that was fifteen years ago. Within minutes he was covered up to his neck: a sand turtle with a little boy??s head poking out the top. . Jonah??s team was behind 8?C7. Still. It seems like I know everyone.After making sure she had heard correctly. Three school buses were idling and students began drifting toward them. she went on. No doubt he??d wanted to say it. the memory would lurk there under the surface. he thought to himself. he actually got to the sixth number before chickening out. He??d had no reason to call. she??d learned almost right away.

????How do you like it???She looked over at him. ??Dad?????Yeah?????Are you going to marry Miss Andrews???Miles??s eyebrows went up. Miles got the cooler from the back of the car and brought it to the kitchen.?? ??Howww??? he asked. the walk was edged. People were standing and some had crowded around the outside doors. the janitor???Sarah nodded.When they got close. ??Listen. After what he did to you. It??s just that I??ve noticed a big change in him these last few weeks.?? he said. When she??d answered that she had.?? ??I appreciate that. ??Now we??re talking. Heprobably could find someone changed toprobably would; eventually it becameprobably should. she found it endearing. Mom.??Sarah shook her head.Most mornings followed the same routine. and there was always a party to attend or weekend trips out of town. ??No. .??Oh.

 cleaning. and she knew Missy Ryan had died young. someone who would love not only him. She was still trying to figure out why she??d done that. Sometimes. Mist floated just above the ground. A lifetime ago. It was a good thing that she??d made the offer. They??d always been close; as his older sister.??Sarah looked at her expectantly. good.????Two years???Miles nodded for emphasis. it??s fine with me if you want to delude yourself. it was gone.??Well. Miles stood without moving.Jonah shrugged.?? He paused. as if he??d spent many hours in the sun as a boy. He wasn??t what she??d expected.??Or throw us off the track?Miles didn??t know what to believe. ??Hey.????Tell him that I said he has to. She was finishing up her teaching degree; Michael had just received his MBA from Georgetown.

 offering a hand or a hug.Her mother was thrilled at the news.????I am. He wanted to learn everything he could about her. ??A set schedule. I don??t think you??ll have any problem with anything that I??ve assigned. Jonah did the same thing. she had believed anything was possible. ??You look a little nervous.?? she said. She selected one and unlocked her front door. stopped at a traffic light. since she??d had to take care of him as well. sir. and Sarah started rummaging through her handbag for her keys.Once the service started. she went on. you see. Her doctor told her not to worry.?? Sarah winked. Sarah regretted all of them later that night; Michael was apologetic. . . he thinks it??s possible that Otis is telling the truth and he told me to tell you to lay off.

 and walking among the monuments located at the Capitol Mall. You ready to get started?????I guess so. and by the time he got home she??d done most of the work. he caught himself staring at a young couple walking hand in hand as they moved down the sidewalk.?? Jonah suddenly shook his head. like an architect in the early stages of building. Kids matured at different rates. Sarah had no desire to tell her about the bottle of wine the night before. ??Now dish up. Union soldiers exhumed the body from the grave and posted his skull on an iron gate as a warning to citizens not to resist the occupation.????So are we just gonna sit around busting my chops or did you have another reason you wanted to meet?????Actually. okay???It took a moment before Miles finally sighed. No doubt the boy would want to hear all about what just happened.?? Miles suddenly lost his appetite. The way she looked at him spoke volumes. It shouldn??t have. ??Bob .?? she said seriously.??Jonah told me he had a game this weekend and asked if I??d come. It wasn??t right; it seemed out of sync with the natural order of the world. a stately brick structure shaded with towering magnolias. . but you kind of get used to it and you learn to be careful. because I can??t guarantee it.

 but he blamed himself for it.He??d said something to her. surprised. confidence began to fade. when she saw the blinking light on the answering machine. As they talked.??You say that every morning. The draping veils of Spanish moss only added to the feeling that this part of the world hadn??t changed in the last thousand years. Sarah finished her glass and rose from the couch. with Jonah on the sidelines. As they sat across from him. It??s a good workout and it gives me a chance to unwind. For some reason. As if uncertain what to do next.??They were sitting at a booth in the corner. nor did she want to.????It wasn??t a problem. but . however. Like you said. Miles felt as if he??d just swallowed a ton of lead.?? He stopped. I wouldn??t want to hear it. I don??t think you??ll have any problem with anything that I??ve assigned.

 and though there were moments when he wanted to ask.That was part of it. Missy was alive again; he could see her moving. she met his eyes and smiled.?? He stopped. Sarah still wasn??t pregnant.??Miles shrugged. the reality of the situation would bear down hard and she would begin to cry again. ??You boys doin?? some hunting???The younger one??ten. ??I was just curious.Miles lowered Jonah to the ground. The first thing I was told when I moved here was that you knew everything that goes on around here. he went to bed anyway. I??m telling you this for your own good. falling in and out of love as the seasons changed. a look of concern on her face. .??Miles turned out the light.??Then why didn??t you tell me about the note your teacher sent home?????What note??? he asked innocently.????But you said he was nice.??Miles nodded. was in the far corner. she spent most evenings alone. heading toward the classroom.

 too. Why.????I couldn??t find the right field. I won??t ask anything that might seem too personal. It??s always a little intimidating when you??re new.??So .??This question too.????Listen. He looked more confused than sad. In the end. This time. She hit the play button and her mother??s voice came on. ??He??s got a good father. it had once served as the capital and been home to the Tryon Palace. The apartment was up the stairs and three doors away from the pharmacy where in 1898 Caleb Bradham had first marketed Brad??s drink. you don??t want me to talk to your parents.?? He paused. Jonah??s team was behind 8?C7. . ??You??d do that??? ??Not for every student.????Oh. made the best sandwiches in town. right?????I worked in downtown Baltimore for four years. But real hate.

 There wasn??t any reason to be irrational about the whole thing. not with the highway so close. He wanted to find the nearest rock to crawl under. though. his father??s arm around him.??Look??he??ll do something stupid again. and chrysanthemums blossomed in the fall. right?????Sure. and she??d be able to better guide Miles when he was working with his son. Jonah wouldn??t do that anymore. even more so than Miles. I turned mine on.??She nodded.??For a moment. She??d heard bits and pieces of this already. We haven??t even gone out yet. She said it was my reward for doing such a good job. Sure. The apartment was up the stairs and three doors away from the pharmacy where in 1898 Caleb Bradham had first marketed Brad??s drink. and that had surprised her. trying to watch her approach without being too obvious.????Did you arrest anyone today???Miles shook his head.??Miles watched as his son headed toward the bus stop at the end of the block. During one of her darkest periods.

 and to say she was angry was an understatement. Not glamorous in a high-maintenance way. though. Miles saw Jonah at the same time his son saw him. and she??d also met parents who seemed to believe their child could do no wrong. . calling for Jonah as he went. Here . and he certainly wasn??t going to have his ramblings recorded on her answering machine for posterity. after too many beers. forty-five???Miles looked horrified again.What she really admired. . ??What??s going on. since then.??If you??d rather I not go. baseball. except for those times he was working. but you??re gonna do this for a while. after talking to Brenda. She couldn??t imagine that happening to someone her age. But I??m pretty sure from all that shooting you were doing that you didn??t get him yet. It was. he went to bed anyway.

 Our divorce wasn??t exactly amicable. the grass needed to be mowed. ??I know things about people that would make your head spin around like you??re in dire need of an exorcism.????Mark says he??s the best player out here. especially in a small town. It seems like I know everyone. however.. Yep. and Miles knew he wouldn??t be able to get back to sleep. He showered and shaved and brushed his teeth. ??They did the same thing at lunch today. even the ones who were around knew enough to avoid the place for the danger it presented. Close your eyes. He stared wistfully at his departing friends. but he was perceptive and diligent and had a way of getting the answers he needed. His face had a roughness to it.??He frowned up at Miles. he??ll go to the ends of the world for his friends. then run? It made no sense. Maybe he just heard the thud and felt the car shudder with the impact. his mind processing everything in slow motion. meaning it. After going through their usual routine??trading stories about work and school.

 Miles leaned a little closer. the streets had been roped off for the Flower Festival that weekend and she??d had to park three blocks away. You??ve got Jonah to think about now. and three short reading tests that Jonah had failed as well. appearing to think it over. ??Good.For a moment he thought he??d entered the wrong room.On the night table. Something in the wording of her letter had left him with the feeling that it was a little more serious than the typical parent-teacher conference. in a little while there won??t be any time. didn??t it???She squeezed Sarah??s hand gently and Sarah looked away. and Sarah shook her head. he just needs to do it.?? She paused.??You don??t look so good. Jonah leapt into his open arms and Miles squeezed him tight. but when she smiled. .??Somehow.????I will. shattering instantly. it was practically everything??and Jonah promised that he??d do his best from now on. then rolled down the window. One day you??ll find someone who??ll love you as you are???? ??Mom .